Shereen and I were talking on the phone recently and discussed the pains it was to write a blog. Maybe some of you think it's a piece of cake, but maybe.... you aren't trying that hard to be hilarious. This is an all day thing, man! Now during my downtime of facebooking, tumblring, and redditing, I have to flex my mental humor and express it on the canvas that is Blogger. Well, aren't you guys demanding?
So Sherizzle brought up that unintentionally funny blogs are usually the funniest. Why is this? Well, according to the wise Dala Sherama, it's because when you are writing about something funny, you become dependent on the story to bring the giggles where as other unfunny posts rely on your diction and word choice. So. Here's the deal. All two of you reading this blog. Make a word suggestion or question and I'll try to describe a story in my life/make something up to tantalize your otherwise boring 15 minutes you WEREN'T reading my blawg.
Since there's no instant gratification button where I get a random word at this second, I'm going to go to a random word generator
OH WOW!
I just found a random Name generator and rather than writing a story about some stupid object, I will think of a good story about whatever name comes up. Can you imagine if this was a way to name your children? I guess when you're Kate from Jon and Kate plus 8, now, Kate plus 8, now, no-one-cares-about-this-show-Kate-gets-alot-of-plastic-surgery, you kinda start losing your steam on naming kids. I would start numbering them. Which that one family from 9 by design did. She literally named her kid Five. FIVE. according to babycenter.com, these are the children's names:
Wolfgang
Bellamy & Tallulah
Breaker
Five & Holleder
Major
Yep. I can't decide on my favorite. I guess I'll chose none of them because they're all terrible.
So if you are a lost of names and you want your kids to hate you for giving them names they can't pronounce or spell until their mid-teens, go to this family.
Okay. So I've randomly generated some names over and over and I have been dissatisfied. You are given the option to choose a number to denote commoness or obscurity of names. it's on a scale of 1 - 99, 99 being... these are just clicks and grunts. I'm on 20 and I swear I've never heard names like these before.
1. Clayton Postel
2. Jami Orloff
3. Julio Duchesne
4. Cody Hermanson
5. Serena Barlowe
6. Erik Wedel
7. Saundra Billick
8. Saundra Cebula
9. Althea Taitt
10. Kelly Weatherall
Really??? Saundra twice? I never knew a Saundra once in my life. Saundra sounds like a name of a woman that works with you mom at an office. The kind of woman that's really nice, doesn't have kids of her own so she really likes asking your questions and she always asks about you during holiday parties. She also has nothing going for her personality-wise so when your mom changes jobs, she doesn't even bother getting Saundra's personal information to keep in touch with. :( I hope I don't get older and become a Saundra.
OK. apparently. these are names taken from the US census. So these are REAL HUMANS! This being said, I came across this lovely gem of a name
6. Anjanette Drybread
really? Drybread? No one even likes dry bread the noun but use it as a name? How terrible.
Okay. I found the name I will describe. Here we go!
IRIS.
I personally like this name. Names for me has a lot of positive or negative connotation solely based on individuals who had that name that I knew before. For example, I give all Shereens a million chances to wow me with their humor. However, there's nothing like the original :) Well, I think I've met Iris a few times, but we never had a real conversation. Like most people I know, I met them through ultimate frisbee. The first time I saw her, she was playing for Irvine. We didn't think much of them being that they're probably nonathletic, a semi-consistent assumption about asians. YEAH I SAID IT. I CAN BC I'M AZN. Besides that, I thought that the Irvine team was putting up a pretty good fight. When it came time to play against Iris, I realized, MY GAWD, HER MARK IS HUGE! As in, when she's playing defense, the area that she blocks is large. Not because she's big. nononono. She's quick and she reads you well. Damnit! Usually you have a slit in which you can throw through. But no, this girl, she's sooooo good. I was highly impressed with her, and so were many other girls on my team. I also recollect that someone on the Irvine team asked me if I knew "Tay Tay" aka Taylor. I said, "yeah, we're friends" and she goes on saying "OHHH MYYY GAWWWD. Isn't he sooooo hot? OMG. I went to high school with him and I think he's so cute. owitaoiuergliuanerlgiunalerugnlaerugnlanregargerg" And I said, "yeah, I guess? We're like, good friends and we hang out. k bye." Anyways, that's a side salad of the story. The main course is, of course, Iris. Well, a lot of my guy friends liked her. The ones in Irvine. And so naturally, I was jealous. And I wanted to know what was so great about her. And so I facebook stalked her. And she's soooo cute. Really. this girl is just the whole package. After knowing her but not actually knowing her because every factual thing I gleaned about her it through facebook, she came up in conversation that I had with my good friend, Danica. Danica told me that she tried hitting on Iris once but Iris has been dating her girlfriend steadily for a while. WHOA. GIRLFRIEND? And that's why, children, you shouldn't always be jealous of other people, because in the end, they might have not been a threat all along. Also, another moral of the story is that through persistent facebook stalking and talking about those people behind their back, you find information about them that makes you feel better about yourself. Kidding aside, she's a really great person, from what I've been told. And she really is adorable. d'awwwww :)
And I'm semi-content with this blog. You're right Shereen!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
another note on happiness
Wooo! Do you like the B-52s? Do you like Speed? Well I have neither. BUT. If I were to make a band that you can boil and shoot up into your veins in order to give you an earth shattering high, Architecture in Helsinki would be that band. Listen to their music and I DARE you to not be happy.
I mean, I wasn't planning on dancing, but my foot literally twitched to the rhythm for a split second.
On that note of happiness, I wanted to make a list of things that cause inevitable happiness. I've been thinking about lots of different types of lists but being that I want to tantalize you with images as well as words (so. hot.) those posts will have to wait because my computer hates my camera's memory card. :( Also, some other lists are in the making because I wanted them to be super meaty. Speaking of. I just ate a burger and if I die from a cardiac arrest, you know it's because of Tommy J's AMAZING burgers
Jumping on jumpy things
Think about it. I don't have to. I know jumping is great! I've become an expert jumping picture model and so have my friends.
Try doing a jumping picture. OK. Take another. 9 out of 10 times, your faces are the same. Why? I don't know. Why do we open out mouths when we put on mascara and why do we open and close our mouthes when we cut with scissors? It's just human nature.
You know what else you should try? STAR JUMPS. They're supposed to help with agility so we always had to do them for our track workouts. Seriously, I cannot stop laughing when I do star jumps. It's probably because I'm at a delusional state having done a track workout and all I want to do is lay in a grave. That doesn't sound like it would make you happy. But really, look at this fit looking lady
She probably has a 7-video exercise series at the low low price of 5 easy payments of 15.49 not including shipping and handling and if you call now she'll throw in the magic chopper. But seriously though, jump on your bed, or a hoppy couch, or party crash that 8-year-old's party down the street. Jumping is fun fun fun fun and will make you smile sooo freakin hard.
free things
When you go to a convention, or a job fair, or a place where they give free (and mostly unnecessary) swag, what happens? You go straight to the booth that's giving out free reusable grocery bags that-you'll-never-use-because-you-always-forget-to-get-them-when-you-go-to-the-store-therefore-defeating-the-original-purpose in order to put more free crap you'll never use. Cool. Sucky frisbee with a company name imprinted in it. 7 thousand pens. Post-its. But you know what. Free stuff makes people happy. It's true. Like, who doesn't love it when you go to costco around lunch time and they're giving out free samples?! It makes you happy enough to think that 5 pounds of raw almonds are the best thing in order to top off an amazing day prompted by the free samples. But really, free things are awesome when you really don't expect it. It's great at college because they assume we're starving students so they give us pizzas and Monster drinks. Why is Amuricaaa fat again?
clean clothes
think about it. after showering, you love wearing fresh clothes that don't smell like an animal crawled inside, defecated, ate it, then proceeded to die. Extra points when they're crisp. Bonus extra points when you fit them.
right clicking
do it. if you can (sorry mac users) there's a split second of euphoria. I don't understand it either, but you have this feeling that something amazing is coming, and it's usually in the form of a drop down menu. Talk about getting your kicks.
new color pencils/markers
This is so undeniable. Come on, you don't have to use that stub of a pencil that used to be black (obvi the most used color) and when markers are SO SHARP and you can basically trace the outline an ant with it. And you use all these things at an angle in order to preserve them in their original state. Then you have kid cousins who think that drawing hard will make their drawings look better but NO. IT STILL LOOKS SQUIGGLES. But opening crayola markers, It's perfect, the top is perfectly creased and you know no other finger has dug under in order to pull the top off. There's no box face crease from opening it too many times. And the colors are so vibrant. I'm pretty sure i'm going to marry a crayola color pack.
There's a thousand other things that make happiness happen. Like alcohol. But these are the ones I can think of now. What makes you jovial?
 |
| how can you not love a person who made a triangle costume out of PAPER?! |
I mean, I wasn't planning on dancing, but my foot literally twitched to the rhythm for a split second.
On that note of happiness, I wanted to make a list of things that cause inevitable happiness. I've been thinking about lots of different types of lists but being that I want to tantalize you with images as well as words (so. hot.) those posts will have to wait because my computer hates my camera's memory card. :( Also, some other lists are in the making because I wanted them to be super meaty. Speaking of. I just ate a burger and if I die from a cardiac arrest, you know it's because of Tommy J's AMAZING burgers
Jumping on jumpy things
Think about it. I don't have to. I know jumping is great! I've become an expert jumping picture model and so have my friends.
 |
| WEE! |
Try doing a jumping picture. OK. Take another. 9 out of 10 times, your faces are the same. Why? I don't know. Why do we open out mouths when we put on mascara and why do we open and close our mouthes when we cut with scissors? It's just human nature.
You know what else you should try? STAR JUMPS. They're supposed to help with agility so we always had to do them for our track workouts. Seriously, I cannot stop laughing when I do star jumps. It's probably because I'm at a delusional state having done a track workout and all I want to do is lay in a grave. That doesn't sound like it would make you happy. But really, look at this fit looking lady
free things
When you go to a convention, or a job fair, or a place where they give free (and mostly unnecessary) swag, what happens? You go straight to the booth that's giving out free reusable grocery bags that-you'll-never-use-because-you-always-forget-to-get-them-when-you-go-to-the-store-therefore-defeating-the-original-purpose in order to put more free crap you'll never use. Cool. Sucky frisbee with a company name imprinted in it. 7 thousand pens. Post-its. But you know what. Free stuff makes people happy. It's true. Like, who doesn't love it when you go to costco around lunch time and they're giving out free samples?! It makes you happy enough to think that 5 pounds of raw almonds are the best thing in order to top off an amazing day prompted by the free samples. But really, free things are awesome when you really don't expect it. It's great at college because they assume we're starving students so they give us pizzas and Monster drinks. Why is Amuricaaa fat again?
clean clothes
think about it. after showering, you love wearing fresh clothes that don't smell like an animal crawled inside, defecated, ate it, then proceeded to die. Extra points when they're crisp. Bonus extra points when you fit them.
 |
| you know what is clean? Bina and I because we fit in a dryer |
right clicking
do it. if you can (sorry mac users) there's a split second of euphoria. I don't understand it either, but you have this feeling that something amazing is coming, and it's usually in the form of a drop down menu. Talk about getting your kicks.
new color pencils/markers
This is so undeniable. Come on, you don't have to use that stub of a pencil that used to be black (obvi the most used color) and when markers are SO SHARP and you can basically trace the outline an ant with it. And you use all these things at an angle in order to preserve them in their original state. Then you have kid cousins who think that drawing hard will make their drawings look better but NO. IT STILL LOOKS SQUIGGLES. But opening crayola markers, It's perfect, the top is perfectly creased and you know no other finger has dug under in order to pull the top off. There's no box face crease from opening it too many times. And the colors are so vibrant. I'm pretty sure i'm going to marry a crayola color pack.
 |
| Nadia's sweet 2010 halloween costume. be jealous |
Monday, November 15, 2010
Not being funny
I have a few posts that I'm working on. But I just wanted to reaffirm my happiness (which will mostly result in sadness due to jinxing myself and because you can only have a run of happiness for so long.)
Friday evening I went to a hipster party which involved me wearing clothes that I wear often. (really? it's just cardigans and skinny jeans. everyone is a hipster) I was being an awesome DJ when the people who owned the laptop decided that they wanted to play obscure crappy music (read: most hipster music) so no one wanted to dance. People requested that I change the music and as I was making a dying party better, they asked me to not. OK. WHO THINKS MAN IN THE MIRROR by Michael Jackson is a good dance song. I see no hands. yeah, because it's a terrible song to grind to. Almost got in a fight. Girl sounded like she was going to cry. Then I left and I felt justified. Then she started changing the music to things I would have played. Whatever. Never trust a white DJ. Us brown folk should be listened to more often. Just saying
Saturday - Went to visit Anjali and Brian in Berkeley and ate at the cheese counter. Awesome! I was so excited to see them and I was dancing as I went to give them hugs. Made people laugh and got really bad gas from delicious pizza. It was worth it. They went for a bike ride and I drank coffee. perfect!
Sunday - Practice Triathlon where I was yelling supportive things (and some other stuff), took out lane lines, and danced on cars. Typical. Then I studied at more coffee shops with lovely Heidi and Becca, finished an essay, and applied for a jawb. Then I had an IM game and I ROCKED. we played savage with girl so I was in every point. I scored 3 I think, layout (unsuccessfully) at the endzone which won me a lot of love. 2 Ds (pretty pathetic). But to be honest, those girls were fast. Then I baked a cake. It was chocolate
Anyways. It ended well but now I shall regret my happiness because I didn't focus more on school. WAH WAH. K. Night
Friday evening I went to a hipster party which involved me wearing clothes that I wear often. (really? it's just cardigans and skinny jeans. everyone is a hipster) I was being an awesome DJ when the people who owned the laptop decided that they wanted to play obscure crappy music (read: most hipster music) so no one wanted to dance. People requested that I change the music and as I was making a dying party better, they asked me to not. OK. WHO THINKS MAN IN THE MIRROR by Michael Jackson is a good dance song. I see no hands. yeah, because it's a terrible song to grind to. Almost got in a fight. Girl sounded like she was going to cry. Then I left and I felt justified. Then she started changing the music to things I would have played. Whatever. Never trust a white DJ. Us brown folk should be listened to more often. Just saying
Saturday - Went to visit Anjali and Brian in Berkeley and ate at the cheese counter. Awesome! I was so excited to see them and I was dancing as I went to give them hugs. Made people laugh and got really bad gas from delicious pizza. It was worth it. They went for a bike ride and I drank coffee. perfect!
Sunday - Practice Triathlon where I was yelling supportive things (and some other stuff), took out lane lines, and danced on cars. Typical. Then I studied at more coffee shops with lovely Heidi and Becca, finished an essay, and applied for a jawb. Then I had an IM game and I ROCKED. we played savage with girl so I was in every point. I scored 3 I think, layout (unsuccessfully) at the endzone which won me a lot of love. 2 Ds (pretty pathetic). But to be honest, those girls were fast. Then I baked a cake. It was chocolate
Anyways. It ended well but now I shall regret my happiness because I didn't focus more on school. WAH WAH. K. Night
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
inappropriate crushes
Well as you can imagine. This post is about people I fantasize getting married to, and that's the extent of it. Because in real life, these relationship wouldn't exist because I have standards to keep (read: not that desperate yet).
We're all guilty of having crushes on celebrities. You know, all those guilty pleasures of the chiseled bodied, hair swooping, hunky hunks. But enough about talking about Justin Beiber, I'm trying to make a generalized picture of perfection here. It may be a combination of talking about relationships (or lack thereof) that has prompted this post, but I think it's hilarious. I usually don't divulge on my crushes, but these crushes are so stupid that I can't help but make myself laugh about them. And if you are the following individuals, please, don't think I'm creepy. Be flattered that I think you're somewhat attractive and I've never thought much about acting on a relationship because it would have embarassingly weird with an extra serving of awkward sauce. Anyways, here goes nothing. And please, a restraining order won't be necessary
Brad
CHMS advisor
Needless to say. My heart broke into a million pieces when I found out that he left Davis for family in Detroit (or wherever he is, I forget). Yes, he's my advisor. And I loved dropping by just to say hello to him whenever I was near his office. Secretly, I knew he loved me. Today I chatted with him online (the primary mode of communication in order to get advising help) and everytime the little chat box had _____ is typing... my heart was palpitating a million beats a minute. He was sooo nice and he's so adorable. A friend of mine even went as far as to saying she went into the Chemical Engineering major because she thought he was so cute. This forbidden love must have ate him inside. I like to secretly believe that the reason he left was because his attraction towards me began to put a strain in his daily functioning. He left in the dead of summer, when I wasn't around. All signs point to my theory. I also theorize that there's a hair harvester that takes all my leg and arm hair of my body which explains my non-existant furriness. So you be the judge of the validity of my theories.
Sean Jeffcoach
What can I say. He's adorable! It might be due to the fact that we constantly ran into each other and kept forgetting each other's names. Or the fact that we had a foil ball fight (true life. I didn't fantasize this this time!). or that time I kept running into him because of coincidence (OR FATE). Anyways, if you ever read this, Sean, you're super cute and I'm sure you already know this.
There are many problems with this situation. He's a baby. If only I was born a few years younger. Dang. There are so many instances for that. I really hope I don't grow up to be a gross pedohpile like Mr. Herbert from family guy
I think sean is so cute because he's tall and skinny and he has such a cute smile and his eyes are so small! Is this me loving the asian in nonasian people? I don't know, about my psychological views of handsomeness. All I know is that Sean is a babe.
Aladdin
Probably one of the hottest Disney character of all time. The Streetrat of of our souls. Aladdin.
Think about it, he lies in order to be with you, he talks to monkeys, he potentially has fleas.... oh wait... But look at the picture!
Adorable. He's hungry so he stole some bread in which he had to do an obstacle course that is Agrabah in order to finally get some mean solders to land on some manure which probably made him EVEN HUNGRIER. Then he gave it to some kids. WHOA MAN. THAT'S A KEEPER. except for the whole kleptomaniac point. But hey, he'll always provide for you.
But the weird thing is that, growing up. I SWEAR I thought Simba from the Lion King was hot. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? can you say 'bestiality' ?
I think my adolescent mishap was due to the fact that I was on the brink of hormonal explosion and I loved Nick Carter from Backstreet boys. Think about it. They have similar hair styles. And you know it's all about the hair when you're 9 years old.
Seriously. THE HAIR. I'm just saying.
We're all guilty of having crushes on celebrities. You know, all those guilty pleasures of the chiseled bodied, hair swooping, hunky hunks. But enough about talking about Justin Beiber, I'm trying to make a generalized picture of perfection here. It may be a combination of talking about relationships (or lack thereof) that has prompted this post, but I think it's hilarious. I usually don't divulge on my crushes, but these crushes are so stupid that I can't help but make myself laugh about them. And if you are the following individuals, please, don't think I'm creepy. Be flattered that I think you're somewhat attractive and I've never thought much about acting on a relationship because it would have embarassingly weird with an extra serving of awkward sauce. Anyways, here goes nothing. And please, a restraining order won't be necessary
Brad
CHMS advisor
Needless to say. My heart broke into a million pieces when I found out that he left Davis for family in Detroit (or wherever he is, I forget). Yes, he's my advisor. And I loved dropping by just to say hello to him whenever I was near his office. Secretly, I knew he loved me. Today I chatted with him online (the primary mode of communication in order to get advising help) and everytime the little chat box had _____ is typing... my heart was palpitating a million beats a minute. He was sooo nice and he's so adorable. A friend of mine even went as far as to saying she went into the Chemical Engineering major because she thought he was so cute. This forbidden love must have ate him inside. I like to secretly believe that the reason he left was because his attraction towards me began to put a strain in his daily functioning. He left in the dead of summer, when I wasn't around. All signs point to my theory. I also theorize that there's a hair harvester that takes all my leg and arm hair of my body which explains my non-existant furriness. So you be the judge of the validity of my theories.
 | |||
| awwwww so cute! |
 |
| Yeah... we're facebook friends.... DONT JUDGE (me. you can judge him all you want) |
Sean Jeffcoach
What can I say. He's adorable! It might be due to the fact that we constantly ran into each other and kept forgetting each other's names. Or the fact that we had a foil ball fight (true life. I didn't fantasize this this time!). or that time I kept running into him because of coincidence (OR FATE). Anyways, if you ever read this, Sean, you're super cute and I'm sure you already know this.
There are many problems with this situation. He's a baby. If only I was born a few years younger. Dang. There are so many instances for that. I really hope I don't grow up to be a gross pedohpile like Mr. Herbert from family guyI think sean is so cute because he's tall and skinny and he has such a cute smile and his eyes are so small! Is this me loving the asian in nonasian people? I don't know, about my psychological views of handsomeness. All I know is that Sean is a babe.
 | |
| The one on the right. It's def the smile. |
Probably one of the hottest Disney character of all time. The Streetrat of of our souls. Aladdin.
Think about it, he lies in order to be with you, he talks to monkeys, he potentially has fleas.... oh wait... But look at the picture!
Adorable. He's hungry so he stole some bread in which he had to do an obstacle course that is Agrabah in order to finally get some mean solders to land on some manure which probably made him EVEN HUNGRIER. Then he gave it to some kids. WHOA MAN. THAT'S A KEEPER. except for the whole kleptomaniac point. But hey, he'll always provide for you.
But the weird thing is that, growing up. I SWEAR I thought Simba from the Lion King was hot. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? can you say 'bestiality' ?
 | |
| dashing. |
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Blood
Today I donated blood. Awesome right? Nope. It always takes too long. DAMNIT I just want to save a life with my (almost) universally accepted blood. (O+ ). Typical asian blood type. They ignore the fact that I'm super lardy and probably filter out the bacon bits that is suspended in my blood.
Think about it, blood is precious and whenever a natural disaster happens, Red Cross always begs for blood. But they mostly beg for money.
You'd think that donating such a fine commodity would be given more perks. No. You get a shirt and a bunch of snacks. GREAT. The wait is also ridiculous. And let's not even get started with bone marrow. Isn't there a way you don't have to use a needle the size of a turkey baster? I'm pretty sure I'm doing you a favor. Today, however, was special because my roommate got me a fast pass and I didn't have to wait in line. YAYY.Anyways. So the problem is that the layer of lard right under my skin seems to hinder vein finders (nurses). There is one particular vein that's a bit easier to find and I only know so because it's been tapped so many times, I'm sure its calloused a cartridge exterior by now. Anyways, untouched for a year (allograph) my veins let its guard down and it was stabbed. Sucker. Ok, well the problem was, the nurse didn't believe me that it was a good vein and she poked my other arm and I started bruising and blood flowed in a tarlike fashion. Ugh. I TOLD HER. Anyways, the other arm got milked and after a stressful time I had to go to discussion to turn in my Lab report (WHICH TOOK FOREVER TO FINISH) because I had a TA that considered 10 seconds after the start of class as late. . So after I was bandaged, I ran out of there. OH MY GAWD. It was like being drunk and being the thurstiest you've ever been and sweating a bunch and your heart is palpitating to the song, "Sandstorm" (33 seconds in) I had to stop but it was awesome because I used it as a convincing argument for my ta to accept my lab on-time. Then I drank half a bottle of water and felt better.
Think about it, blood is precious and whenever a natural disaster happens, Red Cross always begs for blood. But they mostly beg for money.
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| You're lucky your car doesn't run on HP Black ink. I don't want to get started about colored ink. |
Monday, November 1, 2010
AM I FAYMUS?
HI GUYS! Blogger stats told me the blog had 18 views today! YAYYYY 10 might be mine but still. AWESOME! thanks bina, shereen, erin, and audrey (and maybe vicky sometimes i don't know if you count because you have ccs feed something technological). wooooooo keep refreshing.
fears, tears,and britney spears
Halloween was yesterday and it was a fun event in the family household. At first, it was a tense time (immediate family issues) but it ended up being a worthwhile trip home. Halloween is associated with scary things. Goblins, ghosts, gouls, fat guys in lady gaga costume, and etc. Although I was not recently freaked out (that was reserved for the day that I went to the corn maze. Oh gawd, never again) There are a lot of fears I hold inside. Like the fear of anything crawly. And the fear of dirty wet feet. gross gross gross. But beyond everything, I fear that I'll die a miserable lonely life with no husband or child. At the tender age of 22, you may be wondering... WHY WOULD THIS BE OF CONCERNED. I'll tell you why... because 1. I have had bad luck in the realm of love 2. my family is ALREADY PRESSURING ME and 3. i'm not getting any prettier and i'm not very pleasant so there's absolutely nothing going for me other than this blog which only has, like, 2 readers. All of which are women. AWESOME.
But I diverge. Kinda. I wasn't going to write about the possibilities of why I'll be a miserable spinster woman with cats that I hate because I hate cats. I wanted to write why I think I should be a mom some day.
1. I'm pretty good with kids. - it's no surprise that my cousins love me and think i'm the shizz. It's because I'm just as loud and rowdy as them, and although I am 'one of the guys' I'm also a respected figure. This is usually because i weigh 3 times they do and I threaten to flatten them with my huge badonkadonk if they don't listen to me. But it's all comedic times and I love spending time with them. Babysitting/teaching them on the other hand, I want to stab them, which kinda disproves my theory that I'll be a good mother so please omit that piece of information from your memory
2. Kids like to look at me - Imagine you see the most beautiful person on the planet. Okay. Imagine you're a baby, that beautiful person is me. No joke. I have this magnetism for kids eyes. I think it's because they're looking at my boobs and are thinking "cool, lunch" or they see my enduring youth-like appearance (YAY for being azn) and they see themselves. But no matter what, they like to look at me. And it's weird because people don't get it when I tell them, and then it happens in public, and they're like... hmm.. peculiar but really... IT'S WEIRD. KIDS LOOK AT ME. I like that though. It's nice to know the only guys who check me out happens to be wearing diapers struggling to stand and not drool on a regular basis.
3. I dream about being pregnant. And you know when you have those dreams, you think, OH SHIET! WHAT TO DO? Most people have concerns about who the father is, or how this happen, or how will I support this child on my income of 0 dollars, etc, etc. NO. My main concern was why I wasn't fat enough and I proceeded to eat more. Good mom. Just think, if you were ever pregnant, you can say "I have to eat for two" and proceed to eat for twenty, and no one can say anything because you're pregnant and you're doing it for the wellness of your child* Well, I can't wait to wear maternity clothes and go to a buffet. But why am I telling you about my weekend when I should be focusing on when I will be/if I'll ever will be pregnant
*statement does not apply to alcoholic drinks
4. Most importantly, I am SUPER CREATIVE and I make the best things ever! - This must have some sort of background. My friends are the most creative individuals EVER. Stemmed from previously creative people (my friend/twin, Stephanie, has the craftiest mother of all time. Ever seen a Harry Potter book cover on a cake... I HAVE, and it's all due to Stephanie's mom) and the fact that I went to an all-girls high school so all our pent up hormonal imbalances was channeled into outdoing one another in artisticness. So, thank you ND for giving me a foot up in being a mom (the irony). This is evident in my recent attempt in making Halloween costumes. And as you can see below, I was R2D2 and my goddaughter was Princess Leia. YES. I made my entire costume and YES I made her entire costume down to the cutesy hat. I am very proud, obvi, but this proves that every ballet recital, Halloween, school play, I can totally deliver in the costume department. Woohoo! So what if I'll feed them nachos and chicken nuggets for their entire lives because I can't cook. They'll look so good (and malnourished) in costumes I'll make by hand (and hot glue! because I can't sew)
Now that I have written this, I'm deathly afraid that I/ future baby-daddy is going to be sterile. OH GAWD. I guess I can always adopt, but being pregnant seems so awesome! AHHHH knock on (sarah) wood. Oh well, We're all going to die in 2012 anyways and there's no prospective fathers so I'll just be a mom to my cousins for now. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with the sucky parts of actually RAISING a child. I can just play and dress them and laugh all day and be the cool adult rather than the sucky make-a-thousand-rules-to-make-your-life-lame adult. YAYYYY win-win for Annie!
 |
| breaking up large amounts of writing with an image |
But I diverge. Kinda. I wasn't going to write about the possibilities of why I'll be a miserable spinster woman with cats that I hate because I hate cats. I wanted to write why I think I should be a mom some day.
1. I'm pretty good with kids. - it's no surprise that my cousins love me and think i'm the shizz. It's because I'm just as loud and rowdy as them, and although I am 'one of the guys' I'm also a respected figure. This is usually because i weigh 3 times they do and I threaten to flatten them with my huge badonkadonk if they don't listen to me. But it's all comedic times and I love spending time with them. Babysitting/teaching them on the other hand, I want to stab them, which kinda disproves my theory that I'll be a good mother so please omit that piece of information from your memory
2. Kids like to look at me - Imagine you see the most beautiful person on the planet. Okay. Imagine you're a baby, that beautiful person is me. No joke. I have this magnetism for kids eyes. I think it's because they're looking at my boobs and are thinking "cool, lunch" or they see my enduring youth-like appearance (YAY for being azn) and they see themselves. But no matter what, they like to look at me. And it's weird because people don't get it when I tell them, and then it happens in public, and they're like... hmm.. peculiar but really... IT'S WEIRD. KIDS LOOK AT ME. I like that though. It's nice to know the only guys who check me out happens to be wearing diapers struggling to stand and not drool on a regular basis.
3. I dream about being pregnant. And you know when you have those dreams, you think, OH SHIET! WHAT TO DO? Most people have concerns about who the father is, or how this happen, or how will I support this child on my income of 0 dollars, etc, etc. NO. My main concern was why I wasn't fat enough and I proceeded to eat more. Good mom. Just think, if you were ever pregnant, you can say "I have to eat for two" and proceed to eat for twenty, and no one can say anything because you're pregnant and you're doing it for the wellness of your child* Well, I can't wait to wear maternity clothes and go to a buffet. But why am I telling you about my weekend when I should be focusing on when I will be/if I'll ever will be pregnant
 |
| google image>"pregnant annie">result |
*statement does not apply to alcoholic drinks
4. Most importantly, I am SUPER CREATIVE and I make the best things ever! - This must have some sort of background. My friends are the most creative individuals EVER. Stemmed from previously creative people (my friend/twin, Stephanie, has the craftiest mother of all time. Ever seen a Harry Potter book cover on a cake... I HAVE, and it's all due to Stephanie's mom) and the fact that I went to an all-girls high school so all our pent up hormonal imbalances was channeled into outdoing one another in artisticness. So, thank you ND for giving me a foot up in being a mom (the irony). This is evident in my recent attempt in making Halloween costumes. And as you can see below, I was R2D2 and my goddaughter was Princess Leia. YES. I made my entire costume and YES I made her entire costume down to the cutesy hat. I am very proud, obvi, but this proves that every ballet recital, Halloween, school play, I can totally deliver in the costume department. Woohoo! So what if I'll feed them nachos and chicken nuggets for their entire lives because I can't cook. They'll look so good (and malnourished) in costumes I'll make by hand (and hot glue! because I can't sew)
 |
| OMG. Lauren is so cute when she doesn't scream in my ear |
Now that I have written this, I'm deathly afraid that I/ future baby-daddy is going to be sterile. OH GAWD. I guess I can always adopt, but being pregnant seems so awesome! AHHHH knock on (sarah) wood. Oh well, We're all going to die in 2012 anyways and there's no prospective fathers so I'll just be a mom to my cousins for now. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with the sucky parts of actually RAISING a child. I can just play and dress them and laugh all day and be the cool adult rather than the sucky make-a-thousand-rules-to-make-your-life-lame adult. YAYYYY win-win for Annie!
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